We Are Back in the Game People!

Contrary to popular belief we are not dead; we were not abducted by aliens; we were not away at fat camp! It simply took us 7 months to figure out what our login information was! We finally were able to sign-in due to Christina's sluethiness and we have LOTS to discuss. Obviously we should start with something of importance like the world deficit or who Jennifer Aniston is dating, but instead we need to talk about the phenomenon that is Thunder Down Under.

So here is a laundry list of our adventures over the last several months:

In August, we celebrated Christina's 30th Birthday and she and Cat5 took a quick trip to NYC. We also had a classy night out at the Shakespeare Festival thanks to Sarah's sister, Kimberly. She made us fancy food and brought it in a swanky picnic basket. We finally felt like we fit in with the other Shakespeare groupies.

In September, we went to a soggy version of Spud Dad to celebrate all things potato! Sarah was bitterly disappointed when the main event, the Spud Tug (a tug-of-war over a pit of mashed potatoes mixed in a concrete mixer) was rained out. We celebrated Cat5's birthday and saw the always amazing Jim Gaffigan when he came to town. Hooooot pocket!

In October, we went on our respective family vacations. Sarah got screwed by NASA, developed heat rash and explored every Disney park in the hot mess that is Florida. Christina studied witchcraft, American History and fall foliage in Massachusetts.

In November we celebrated Turkey Day with Christina's family by eating tacos and all of the pie we could find in a 10 mile radius. We ordered our tickets to the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. We plan to watch hockey, hit on Canadian boys, and stalk Sam and Dean on the Vancouver set of the TV show Supernatural.

In December we went to Vegas, baby! We gambled, watched Australian male strippers, and danced the night away. The weekend was crazy and full of debauchery but a little lacking as we were neither arrested nor participated in any quickie Vegas weddings.

In January, we rang in the New Year in style at our Fourth Annual Spinster's New Year Party. (Details can not be disclosed.)

And now it is February. While most people are trying desperately to hold onto their money and jobs, Cat5 has been single-handedly trying to save the economy with daily visits to Sephora and Amazon.com. Since we are too poor to do anything else or keep up with Cat5's extravagant lifestyle, we decided to start blogging again. It is completely free and we find ourselves funnier than any other entertainment available.

We will try to rededicate ourselves to our blog and to posting more often than once every seven months.

To be, or not to be: classy

On July 22nd we went to the Shakespeare Festival to see Arthur Miller's The Crucible and realized that we are not and probably never will be classy.

We go to the Shakespeare Festival pretty frequently and every single time we promise ourselves that the next time we come we are going to bring a pretty picnic basket with classy cheese and bread but we inevitably end up at Albertson's the day of the show with bad deli food, White Cheddar Cheez-Its, and a liter of soda. Not even the cute "gourmet" soda, it is always Pepsi and Diet Pepsi. We did bring fancy mint flavored water once that came in a super cute bottle but it ended up being so gross that we didn't even drink much of it. Apparently even our taste buds are trashy.

It isn't just our food that isn't fancy, we can't even manage to class up our presentation. Even though we try to bring cute bags, we always end up buying more than the cute bag can hold (see the giant bottles of soda) and end up carting the food in plastic Albertson's bags. So embarrassing.

Once we have brought our white trash food in our white trash containers, we plop down on the cheapest seats we can find - the hillside lawn (we are too cheap for chairs but still, not an excuse, lots of lawn folk have very cute food) on a blanket the size of the sail of a small shipping vessel. Sometimes we arrive late so Sarah has to set fire to picnic baskets while Christina steals their spots. Do you understand the ordeal we go to so we can say that we are the kind of people who frequent the Shakespeare Festival? We should just stick to the drive-in.

Suck It, Ben and Jerry!

OMG! We made ice cream! We don't think you understand how inept we are at almost everything we do, so this was a major accomplishment. (Eating we are super good at, preparing, not so much.) Christina won an ice cream maker at her company picnic a couple of weeks ago (the same day as the torturous Hellboy movie) and we wanted to give it a try. So on Friday, Sarah's mom gave us her super secret recipe (which we will freely give out unless she pays us $.37 to keep it a secret) and we went to the store.

The store with Sarah is always a fun time. She wanders up and down the aisles in confusion and eventually just sits down and cries. Just kdiding. She doesn't cry but she is the most inefficient shopper of all time. It is kind of awesome. Cat5 always just ditches us and does her shopping by herself. She ends up finished and at the car before we have even decided which cart to pick.

So we got the ingredients and went back to Christina and Cat5's house and watched Penelope with the always adorable James McAvoy. The movie is super cute so if you haven't seen it, you should. Halfway through the movie, Cat5 got a call from her sister so while she chatted, we mixed the ingredients. It was shockingly uneventful. There were no spills or knife fights like there normally are when we are in the kitchen together. We put it in the machine, forgot to check the ice, let the ice melt completely, added some more, and finally it was done.



When we opened the lid, there was ice cream! We were so excited we were literally screaming for ice cream. It was awesome. Cat5 was completely unimpressed.

Here are the pictures of the completed ice cream. Which is the most awesome ice cream of all time!

Things to keep depression at bay this week

Monday - The most awesome blog of all time debuts. This one!

Tuesday - Dr. Horrible with the adorable Nathan Fillion and scrumptious Neil Patrick Harris (Cat5's first gay boyfriend!). Check it out! http://www.drhorrible.com/.

Wednesday - BEST DAY EVER! The triumphant return of PROJECT RUNWAY!!!! Go Tranny fabulousness! Christina love, love, loves her Tim Gunn and Sarah love, love, loves her gays. Also today - one of the theaters in town shows retro movies on Wednesday night. This week they are showing Christina and Cat5's favorite - Armageddon. We will have a front row seat to the end of the world! We are 98% excited, 2% scared. Or is it 98% scared, 2% excited? That's what makes it so intense!

Thursday - ummmm...Cat5 will inevitably rock her weekly softball game.

Friday - Psych is back! Mamma Mia and Dark Knight both come out! We will definitely be seeing Mamma Mia several times in the theater. Who doesn't love Colin Firth in sparkly spandex and singing ABBA?

Saturday - we will have a serious discussion about why our lives revolve around movies and TV so much. It's just sad.

To Hell and...

Only by a twisted series of events (and most likely punishment for something we did wrong in our lifetime) did we have to sit through 2 hours of hell in a movie theater seat, this last weekend. That's right folks – Hellboy 2: The Golden Army!

Here's how it all went down –

• Cat5 likes "boy movies" (you know, sci-fi, fantasy, based on graphic novel type movies).
• We had been dreading the upcoming release of the latest Hellboy movie and had not so quietly and quite repeatedly bitched and moaned about having to go.
• During the previews for Get Smart and as a result of our groans of disgust, Cat5 turned to Sarah's nephew, Calvin, and asked him if he wanted to see it. He, being the polite naive boy that he is, agreed. So they made "arrangements" to watch the 1st Hellboy at her house and then go see the sequel at the theater.
• The next day we were chatting and realized that she had inadvertently asked him out on a date! Awww! (This provided us with hours of teasing by the way!)
• Sarah's sister (bless her heart), is slightly over-protective and informed us that her 14 year old son could not just go to a movie with a "woman" almost 18 years his senior (Is that how all the hoity-toitey people say it?) by himself.
• So there we were – 4 hours of our Saturday sacrificed to Hellboy!

The first movie, we admit wasn't as bad as we had psyched ourselves up for. It had Nazi's and a few funny jokes – what more does a girl need! So our guards were down going into the 2nd one – Huge Mistake! There we sat, desperately trying to make time pass in any way we could find – trying to sleep, talking (sorry – I'm sure we deserve a Miss Manners Movie Card for that!) and braiding our hair! There were not enough Watermelon Sour Patch candies in the world to ease the pain.

We are sorry Gato Cinco.
We did not like Hellboy Dos.
We did not like it on your date.
We did not like it for our fate.
We did not like it in a chair.
We would not like it anywhere!

Why grilled cheese you ask?

Not that we have anything against turkey or any other luncheon meats (other than olive loaf - WTF?). We just love grilled cheese!!

Like any exciting Monday night, we were sitting around watching our favorite trainwreck reality show, The Bachelor, and after the most dramatic rose ceremony ever, Christina asked Sarah if she would accept her Grilled Cheese sandwich. Sarah viciously declined.

The conversation inspired the idea for the best new VH1 reality show of all time - Big Girls Need Love Too! (Don't we all!). Here's the premise - 1 big girl, 25 chubbie chasers and a whole lot of love. We aren't the kind of girls that receive roses, backstage passes, or keys to a bisexual's we don't want to know what, but we would like to be offered a really good grilled cheese sandwich. So at each elimination ceremony, the men would be offered a delicious cardiac arrest inspiring food as a token of devotion and would hear the question, "will you accept this donut" or cake or whatever is the food of the week. The final question will be "will you accept this grilled cheese sandwich?" and will be offered with a yummy grilled cheese sandwich (cheddar on sourdough, please). So it is in this spirit that Christina and Sarah would like to ask if you, dear reader, "will accept our grilled cheese?"